Why I Stopped Killing Bugs (Unnecesarily)

The last time I killed a bug probably went something like this

Probably a spider or house centipede on my bedroom floor. I grab a shoe or some other swing-able object. I inch up to it. “SLAM!” It was on carpet so of course my hit was dampened and the damn thing is still half alive stumbling around with half its legs working. “SLAM!” Ok now it’s curled up but its legs are all twitching like crazy. My mind says its dead and its just nerves. I’m not a scientist but I still think I am right about that. Cue my existential thought-processes.

“Man, that must suck so much. Can you imagine what it would be like to just, out of nowhere, be crushed by an object equivalent to the size of a small house? That wouldn’t be a bad death I guess. It’s pretty instantaneous. What about the ones that are botched and take multiple swings to die? Damn, now that would suck. Trying to crawl away with your guts out; scared out of your mind.

This is the part –because I have definitely thought about this before- where I usually just carry on with my life. But one day I took it a little bit further.

Man why do I do this? I know I kill deer but I do that to eat it. That’s a noble death (In human logic) but why did I just kill this spider or any other bug for that matter? Because they are gross? Because they could hurt me? Sure, but it wasn’t actively trying to hurt me. It was just going somewhere and I saw it. Am I killing this thing because it has the potential to hurt me?? Humans are some of the most destructive species on this planet. We don’t just kill people because they are potentially dangerous.

*Insert random knowledge I’ve picked up over the years about how spiders eat even more nuisance bugs like roaches, beetles, ants, etc; and that house centipedes are even cooler because they even eat spiders and they aren’t poisonous!  These bugs just chill in places humans aren’t likely to be but sometimes find themselves out in the open when they move.

Also cue in all the times I’ve seen people straight up walk past bees or wasps and nothing happens to them.*

So I decided, then and there, humans do enough damage, I’m not going to kill any more bugs, or other creatures for that matter, if I don’t have to. I may botch the shit out of trying to capture the bug. It may be in the middle of winter and there is next to zero percent chance it will survive outside but I’ll give it a fighting chance. There’s more dignity in that, I say to myself. If it doesn’t eat my food, bring its entire colony into my house, destroy my house, and if it isn’t actively causing a risk to my, or someone else’s, health then I will do my best to relocate it back to nature. And killing something outside? GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT SHIT. No way I’m killing something, unless to eat it, when it’s not even in my dwelling or causing damage to said dwelling. That’s like killing someone in their own living room. I’ll just go around it or relocate it if need be.

It’s been an incredible, an eventful, learning experience. To just walk past wasps and hornets like a boss is extremely nerve-wrecking the first couple times but I still have not been stung or bothered. The times I had been stung or bothered were times were I stood, scared, moving back and forth in their vicinity like some kinda threat to the point where they had to come check me out and then I start moving erratically like some kinda immediate threat. Think about dogs and cats that are outside all the time. Do you think wasps go around stinging dogs, cats, deer, foxes, etc for no reason at all? No way. Bugs have defense mechanisms. DEFENSE mechanisms. Meaning they only use them when they are threatened. You don’t walk around all day punching or biting the floor do you? For most bugs you are so big that you are a surface. They are just trying to find food or something to screw. And don’t think they think that you are food. You are waaay too big for them. Which is another behavior I have learned over the years. They want to stay out of your way just as much as you want them to. You are too big to eat and not worth the effort. They are looking for something along the lines of those annoying-ass crickets that get in your house and creak(?) all damn night.

So yeah, bugs are gross but in learning to capture them you realize just how incapable they are of jujumping ten feet across the room and biting you causing instant death. It just doesn’t happen. Some tips I have, keep a glass in your room, I have a small souvenir Boulevard Brewing glass that I use as decoration but doubles great for capturing bugs. They can’t climb glass and bonus you can check them out. If they are in a weird spot grab a broom and knock them out into the open. They move fast but not as fast as you think and at that point they aren’t thinking “KILL” they are thinking “I NEED TO FUCKING HIDE!” so don’t worry about it being on a kill rampage. You are way too big and it knows better so you have that advantage.

Basically what I’m saying is this. If you are afraid of something educate yourself about it. Half the fear I believe we have is in the unknown.


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